(Source: things-i-tell-myself)

Have you ever wondered why I look at you the way I do?  It is because I can’t figure it out and it annoys the hell out of me. I have no idea why you should be any different to me than anyone else. 

I mean if I had a reason to hate someone you would probably be the main contender, right up there with Hitler and the lady who crashed into my car and didn’t stop. I am not okay with who you are and the way you talk to me but that isn’t way I look at you the way I do.

I just want to know your secret. I want to know what makes me hang on, what makes me care about someone so unconditionally. I am trying to figure out who I am and I know that in a weird way you can help me out with that.

So tell me how you do it? Tell me how you have me figured out when I wouldn’t even know where to start.

If you were to ask me who my closest friend was I would come up blank. I used to think that the best friendship was built on a fine line of caring and nonchalance. But the ones I built on that belief turned to dust. Maybe that is my problem, maybe no one wants to be friends with someone who can stop caring so quickly that I scare even myself sometimes. 

Because where is the appeal in that?　

(Source: simplyl0st)

I thought the unthinkable today. An internal monologue that accomplished nothing but instead brought up way too many things that I had previously ignored. You could say it was God and maybe it was. All I know is that now I have a million thoughts running through my head, thoughts that I thought I had managed to suppress, well apparently not. 

Well in the end, is it better to be the child that appears to be sharing, or to be the child that is sharing in secret? 

(Source: agoodthinghappened)

(Source: free-your-mind)

One day you will try to find me in all the cracks and crevices of your insults. You will follow all the mixed signs you sent me and be stuck in my memories of confusion. But no matter how hard you try you won’t be able to find me. Because I am where the lost things are and you, my dear, will never be lost.

I don’t want you but I don’t want anyone else to have you either.

Now 

My head reels

My dream shifts

Expands

Wished

That my sound track didn’t feel

Tumbled, discordant,

Blaring from speakers outside

My heart

Or sometimes, so close

To silence

She stretched out her arms as far as they would go trying to reach you but she was still a million miles away. This gap was not something that could be reached across or merely leaped over, no it required time, and thought, and effort. But she couldn’t do that. No, because that might mean that she actually cared about something, that she actually felt. That her nonchalant, non-caring attitude was nothing but a mask. 

To reach out to you would mean that everything that she was would come undone.

I don’t even find you remotely attractive. Can we be friends now?

K thanks, bye.　

I couldn’t put a word to what I was feeling. I was numb and frozen but my mind was racing a million miles a minute. But it wasn’t just the obvious. I wondered what God was thinking pushing us together when we had spent so long trying to fall apart, I wondered what your reaction would be and whether it would hurt me to hear it, I wondered what it would accomplish and I wondered what I was feeling at that very moment.

So many thoughts, so so many. So I closed my eyes fleetingly without hesitation and simply said, “Lord I trust You.”

— Lao Tzu (via profisee)